Clocked 017 | Lost Diagnosis

18 Sep 2017

To summarize, this week is both stressful and exhausting. The fact that I had to deal with numb uncertainty, unbalanced emotional roller coaster and a few unfortunate incidents kind of made me want to lie down and not write a post. Still, here I am, seated on my desktop and typing things out because this blog is, after all, my responsibility.

As I have mentioned in my previous post, I took one day off work to clear my mind and recharge my mental health. Even though I told myself I wanted to stay at home for a recharge, I had to go to the bank because I lost my debit card two weeks ago. I don't remember where or how I misplaced it but my guess was that I had forgotten to retrieve it from the ATM. I remember bawling my eyes out and feeling stupidly embarrassed in the mall because I didn't know how to face my mother if she knew. Yes, a childish reason to cry for a 20-year old, don't you think? But I'm not embarrassed to admit that confrontation makes me extremely anxious.

Luckily, when that incident happened, my boyfriend was with me and he took control of the situation and told me to call the bank center and had my debit card blocked temporarily. Once I was done acting like a sobbing mess, we then went to Zenbu again for lunch. He decided to treat me because he said, and I quote, "I want to help you and this isn't something you have to pay me in return. Money is my lesser priority. I just want you to be happy because if you are happy, I'm happy too." ((cries))

I got myself a salmon katsu curry omurice (IDR 79,000 / USD 5.96) and boyfriend got the restaurant's signature chicken mozaru (IDR 59,000 / USD 4.45). As dessert, we got ourselves original honey toast (IDR 38,000 / USD 2.87) from Beatrice Quarters. For the salmon omurice, there are three rice selections from butter, tomato and curry. I chose butter rice and it was a perfect match for the curry sauce. The portion was fulfilling and satisfying as well! As for the honey toast, boyfriend and I agreed that the toast felt kind of dry and not fluffy enough. We also thought it could use more maple syrup, honey and butter.

I remember crying in the restaurant too and it was extremely stupidly embarrassing. I couldn't order food because I kept looking down, at my feet, suppressing my tears. I felt stupid and ridiculous. In my head, I told myself not to cry but it was inevitable. I remember eating my omurice with puffy eyes and nasally voice. We ate in silence but underneath the table, he was holding my hand as a gesture to assure me. I told him, through choked tears, that the omurice was delicious and I don't know if I was crying because of my debit card or the fact that I enjoyed my food. Nevertheless, it was embarrassing.

The unfortunate diagnosis

Aside from the lost debit card shenanigan, I went to see an OB/GYN (obstetrician/gynecologist) because I experienced a vaginal discharge and had an itch. It wasn't the first time though. At first I thought it was an ovulation discharge, which is perfectly normal. Besides, the discharge was clear and not milk white, yellow or green in color. To confirm this, I then messaged my OB/GYN and she said it's not normal if I felt an itch since ovulation discharge must not be itchy. On my Friday appointment, my OB/GYN diagnosed me with a yeast infection. Thankfully, because the discharge was still clear in color, the infection was nothing serious or life threatening. Obviously I was prescribed an antibiotic and was told to consume lots of probiotics (such as yogurt) and not to wear jeans. See, this is why I hate jeans. I used to wear a lot of skinny jeans during college days because what else was I supposed to wear? I don't have a lot of long pants aside from jeans. Now, I avoid wearing jeans because I was never comfortable in them. I've always been more of a skirt kind of gal, just because it's more comfortable. She also told me not to wear any tight fitting underwear because like jeans, they can lead to irritation.

Fingers crossed on the treatment!

On Saturday, we went to the pet shop to buy some snacks for my dog. We also met the pet shop's Shi Tzu, Molly who was peacefully asleep on the table near the cashier. She was so cute and her fur was everywhere to the point where you won't be able to spot her eyes. Another thing I love from visiting a pet shop is now excited my boyfriend is. He doesn't have a pet but he loves fat, fluffy animals like I do so whenever we go to a pet shop to buy supplies for my dog, he gets all excited and jumpy it's adorable. I also had to guide him to pet Molly because he was feeling kind of scared. But when he did get to pet Molly, he was all, "she looks like a mop or a pencil!"

After the pet shop, we went to Pizza Marzano because my boyfriend got a buy 1 get 1 free promo from his mobile operator. We ordered the restaurant's signature dough balls with formaggi, triforata classic pizza (ugh, mushroom is a gift to mankind!) and their spinach cream ravioli (not pictured above) We were lucky enough to get the discount because this isn't necessarily a cheap restaurant (I would say it's mid-class level but damn son, the service tax is expensive!)

I also bought myself a red velvet cake from Union, a French type "brasserie" restaurant, bakery and bar known for their red velvet cake. I'm not one of those people who always follow every food trend but their red velvet is definitely the best. If I remember correctly, Union was the first restaurant in Indonesia to have created the red velvet cake thus setting a trend for other brands as well. When it comes to the cake's authenticity, nothing beats Union. For IDR 60,000 / USD 4.53, one slice is huge enough to be shared between 2~3 people, at least for me (and I love cake so that is saying a lot!)

When I got home, I found a small package from my friend who just went to Netherlands. She bought me two Milka chocolate bars and a Nyx Lid Lingerie eyeshadow palette. I haven't eaten the chocolate bar or used the eyeshadow but I can't wait to indulge in them.

This week, I haven't really found myself. I'm still stuck in a rut, feeling like crap and all. I'm not sure if this is my depressive state speaking but I'm still pretty much stuck in this spot. I've been trying to distract my mind by watching Teen Wolf, browsing memes on my really private facebook and watch some stupidly adorable animal videos. I really need to get back on my feet though. I have responsibilities to abide and stuff to do. I know it's probably mentally unhealthy to...I don't know, force ourselves like this when what we need is rest. It sucks so bad but eh, what can I do.

How was your week?

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