Clocked 008

16 Apr 2017

I wish I live in a country with seasons so I can experience what spring feels like and maybe, if I were to experience it and find the first blooming flower, I'd feel slightly better. I need to feel at least the slightest bit better so I can, you know, function and be more capable of making a decision. This week has been filled with emotional exhaustion, lots of feeling down and left out. As I'm typing this, I'm struggling to update my blog because I feel like it deserves a proper update despite my condition.


001. Remember in my previous Check Ins post where I mentioned my boyfriend's job interview? Well, good news: he got the job. I'm happy for him, I really am but it makes me feel left out, seeing how all my friends are now employed and I'm not. The depression hits a lot harder than I thought it would. A part of me is genuinely happy for him and I want him to enjoy his job but a part of me is too depressed to think about other things (or have hope.)

002. I went to get a haircut, chopped my fringe and asked for layered fringe instead of blunt straight bangs. I also trimmed my ends and requested for lots and lots of textures.

003. Tried Starbucks green tea strawberry frappuccino, a limited edition drink to celebrate spring season. I actually like it since it's not extremely sweet to the point where you feel sick and diabetic. I heard that my local Starbucks changed their green tea powder and it's no longer as sugary as before. While I usually get myself a green tea latte (for fear the frappuccino version to be too sweet), the strawberry whipped cream and sprinkles compliment the green tea very well. Also, I think this is somewhat a duplicate for the spring blossom drink from Starbucks Japan.

004. I've been craving for pizza. Then again, I'm always craving for pizza. In the evening after I got my hair trimmed and treated myself to Starbucks, I went to Pizza Hut for their American Favorite cheesy bites pizza and chicken wings (not pictured.) Now that I'm blogging about it, I'm drooling over my own photo!

005. On Wednesday, boyfriend and I went to Shaburi, an all you can eat hotpot place where I ordered my all-time favorite chicken collagen soup which grosses him out, by the way. He said it's gross because the soup has a creamy, milky consistency and he finds it odd. Whatever though, it was such a delicious lunch. I just wish I had eaten more beef.

006. When my boyfriend drove me home, I end up bawling my eyes out inside the car. I think we wasted like an hour or more in front of my house because I was busy having a mental breakdown. I thought I was okay after that but apparently, I'm not (since I'm still thinking about the same shit now, about how frustrated I am for being jobless, for feeling left behind.)


Saturday morning I woke up with an upset stomach. I thought it was just a normal stomachache where I needed to do my second level of toilet business, if you know what I mean. I thought I was alright because the pain wasn't as intense as when I first opened my eyes.

Boyfriend picked me up at 11 am and we went out again to get dim sum because I was craving for it. Since both of us are xiao long bao (soup dumpling) lovers, we ordered two and each portion has 3 dumplings so we both ate 3 respectively. We also ate shumai, salted egg yolk bun and har gow. It was a tasty brunch and we spent our time strolling around the mall. By this time, my stomach began to feel uneasy again. My boyfriend suspected it was ulcer and we went to the drugstore to buy generic medicine. Soon after that, he was waiting for me while I did my toilet business for the second time that day. It was like I ate dim sum only to 'throw' them away again, ugh.

We then proceeded to get sushi and I bought myself the same black tea macchiato from Koi Cafe. We sat down and talked a little, discussed a few things, etc before I told him I needed to go to the restroom. Again. It was the third time I had to 'throw' what I just digested in my stomach. It wasn't diarrhea though. Boyfriend said it's ulcer and that one symptom of ulcer is to, well...poop.

So yeah, Saturday was a mixture of fun, exhaustion and a little sadness. I felt a little sad because boyfriend will start working next week and he's probably going to be super busy. Oh and I still feel left out so...


I finally watched 13 Reasons Why and finished it in two days. In short, I like it. I like it even more than the book. The series is more intense, emotional and nicely executed, way more than the book. I also like how we get to see things from the perspective of Hannah's 'reasons.' As for the characters, most of them annoy me except for Alex, Zach, Tony and of course, Clay Jensen as well. If I were to rate my top 3 most hated characters, it's definitely Bryce, Courtney and Tyler. Bryce is, well, your self-explanatory basic fuckboy douchebag so of course he'd be a disgusting prick. Courtney annoys the crap outta me and Tyler, he's a creepy disgusting stalker who acts like he's the saddest victim when he actually deserved the punishment.

Warning: a short possible spoiler below! scroll pass if to avoid it.

In regards to Courtney's character, a tumblr user wrote a post where she thinks Courtney is not a villain, that it was wrong for Hannah to 'force Courtney in admitting her sexuality.' To be honest, I don't think Hannah ever insisted Courtney to admit that she is gay. In fact, all she wanted was for Courtney to be her proper friend. I personally think if I were to have a 'friend' like Courtney, I'd react the same way Hannah did. Courtney may be scared but she didn't have to ruin other people's lives like that is what I'm saying.


Even though some people think that this show is not accurate enough (in portraying mental illness) or that it's very triggering, I personally think what the series wanted to do is to spread awareness and give a huge metaphorical 'fuck you' to adults, bullies and the society in general for thinking that mental illness is fake. Overall, I'd give the series a solid 9/10.


I succumbed to the bookstore's temptation and picked this book up. Since I only limit myself to buying one book, I walked around the bookstore for hour or so I swear my boyfriend grew tired from watching me (he's not much of a bookworm so...)

There are so many books I wanted to buy but I don't really have the budget for it. I end up buying What We Saw by Aaron Hartzler because after watching 13 Reasons Why, I wanted to read a young adult book that is not fantasy or sci-fi. This particular book is categorized as a mystery, realistic fiction so I expected something emotionally powerful. When I scrolled down to see reviews on Goodreads, a lot of people gave a "trigger warning: rape" comment so I'm also guessing this is an intense one. Plus, it is said to be inspired by real life events so of course, I just have to sacrifice other books and picked this one up.

I haven't read the book yet but I think I'm going to (I have so many books in my to-read list I don't know which one to start first!) I want to discontinue The Wonders by Paddy O'Reilly because I've reached halfway and there was nothing climatic at all! Urgh, it bores me to death I cannot stand it.

To quote the book's back cover, here's a summary:

Kate Weston can piece together most of the bash at John Doone’s house: shots with Stacey Stallard, Ben Cody taking her keys and getting her home early—the feeling that maybe he’s becoming more than just the guy she’s known since they were kids.

But when a picture of Stacey passed out over Deacon Mills’s shoulder appears online the next morning, Kate suspects she doesn’t have all the details. When Stacey levels charges against four of Kate’s classmates, the whole town erupts into controversy. Facts that can’t be ignored begin to surface, and every answer Kate finds leads back to the same question: Where was Ben when a terrible crime was committed?

This story—inspired by real events—from debut novelist Aaron Hartzler takes an unflinching look at silence as a form of complicity. It’s a book about the high stakes of speaking up, and the razor thin line between guilt and innocence that so often gets blurred, one hundred and forty characters at a time. 

Alright so that's all for this week's summary. I don't think it's as fun and exciting as my previous Check Ins post. The little things that made me smile even if it's temporary were, of course, when I met my boyfriend and ate the food I've been craving for. If I were to rate this week, I'd give it a solid 4/10. Ah, I'm still an emotional mess.

How did your week go? Talk to me about it, I'd love to know!

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