25 Jan 2017

My best friend and I recently talked about how one of our friends needs to save himself from being extremely pathetic about his single life. I know there are people in this world who take their single status quite seriously, however, it does not compute in my mind when one gets extremely desperate about wanting to have a partner especially when you know how most people fail to distinguish infatuation and love and think that crushes are always equivalent to love. No, it's not. 

Growing up, I've always been someone who puts relationship at the end of my list. I'd rather spend my time reading and gather more knowledge. I was never a study, study, study kind of child but I've been more interested in knowledge than dealing with relationships. I think it's because at a young age, I've always known that love is more than just a four letter word and that emotion or feelings are indefinite mysteries. When I was 13, I remember my classmate, who's a super feminine girly-girl, failing her exam because she was the kind of dumb teenager who couldn't decide between Guy A or Guy B. I thought it was pretty stupid, I still think it is.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing anyone who thinks romantic relationship is a gift to mankind. You do you. But I never quite understood how some people turn into a brooder who'd whine about why oh why are they still single and sad. Unfortunately, this is a cringefest illness currently affecting one of my friends. I'm not sure which one sucks more; the fact that he cannot differentiate infatuation from love or the fact that he thinks it's alright to have multiple crushes and gamble with them. I'm not sure about you but I think it's a douche move to have two crushes at once and see if he could win one or the other — kind of like Plan A or Plan B thing, ya know? I don't think as a girl, I'd be flattered if that happens to me because hey bro, I'm not an object and you can't look at me like I'm your backup plan. Besides, it makes him look even more desperately pathetic that he's almost double-crossing another friend who has been crushing over the same girl.

Love is not infatuation. I don't think crushes are people that you fall in love with. Crushes are just people you're interested in, people you like to stare because they have perfect hair or the perfect eyes or the perfect height — all those perfect, perfect little lies. To me, there is no such thing as love if mutual understanding and coexistence are missing. You can be as selfless as you want and still, at the end of the day when you realize that none of your effort is reciprocated, you'd feel the exhaustion and perhaps the disappointment. Coexistence matters and don't lie to me by saying it's not. You cannot give all the time and not get tired of doing it. Oh and let's not forget that 'love at first sight' is a stupid bullshit. Love at first hate, however, is not.

I think a lot of people fall in love (or at least, they think they are) so easily because they don't usually observe the important factors underneath. I have seen a lot of relationships fall apart, I have seen a lot of girls saying they're in love only to break up after a year or two because they cannot differentiate between being infatuated or in love. I always tell everyone that breakups are easy and the challenge is when you have to maintain the relationship. I can't help but to let several questions arise: Why do people think love is easy? What makes them think that once you're no longer single, all the problems in your life are going to just solve themselves? Why don't people think more about whether it's infatuation or love they are feeling? I will never understand people who sulk over such ridiculous things especially when they have yet to figure out the difference. Besides, I was single until last year and believe me when I tell you that being single is not the end of the world so please, don't degrade yourself and be a pathetic little brooder by groaning about how sad you are. Trust me when I say being single is not and should not be your first world problem or priority. In fact, you know what should be a priority? Ice cream! And pizza! And food! They make life so much easier.

I think what I'm trying to say is that before you claim yourself to be in love with someone, take a moment to think about whether it really is love or just a mere infatuation. Infatuation is easy, love isn't. Infatuation is that addiction when you find someone attractive and you want to have him or her, sort of like getting high on drugs (not that I ever tried any). On the other hand, love is that incoherent labyrinth of codes you cannot decipher very easily and the genuine commitment you are willing to give and the stability that evaporates from it.


  1. What a great read! It sounds samiliar.. and it's really a bit tricky to find out if it's infatuation or not.. Even though I have felt love (at least that's what I "think"), it's not that easy to draw the line.
    xx finja |

  2. I completely understand what you're trying to say with it. I once confused infatuation with love and it ended as fast it could begin, especially when the ex started acting like a dick and I kept clinging onward. Now we are good friends and we mutually broke up to, and I found the love of my life with my husband. Sometimes infatuation leads you to the greater things you desire in life and it's true that it's a stepping stone to let you learn from the experience to what is love and what it isn't.

  3. Interesting topic to write about. I definitely agree that there is a huge difference between love and infatuation. Although I've never experienced what love really is, I do know that infactutation is a "come and go" type of feeling. At least in my experience that's how I feel when I'm infactuated by someone. Great post. :)

  4. Love ur style of writing and o o mm g g this pic is the cutes I swear to goddd how cute are these pigeons kissing with paris in the background! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! Happy New Year to you and your family!! Dominica from London, xXx

  5. I agree with everything you said. I mean, who doesn't choose food as their priority?! Thats ridiculous! Who could possibly deny such a thing. Anyway, all jokes aside (not that it is, its pretty much one of my priority), people these days often mistake infatuation for love and i think its maybe because they want to feel loved and so they search for it in a pretty young age. Young people (like me, perhaps) always look at the physical aspects of a person. I guess we have to be more mature and like you said, look underneath. Sadly, these infatuation eventually lead to heartbreaks and tears or maybe even depression. Although maybe we can take it as a stepping stone to make us stronger? I don't know for sure.

    One thing I know for sure is that love at first sight isn't real. Maybe it is, maybe it's scientifically proven, or many more maybes. In my opinion, you don't love a person right when you lay your eyes at him/her, I think that that's merely a starting point, and the feelings eventually just build up.

    Great post!

  6. I'm an INTJ and I definitely analyse things a lot!

    When I was about 13 I fell for a guy who I wasn't really in love with, but I became obsessed and it did have an impact on my school life. I learned a lot from this. After this I always put my education first, but luckily my current relationship has always worked smoothly alongside my education.

    I think some people who are single struggle to see the positives of being single, and some think that being in a relationship is the answer to their problems, but often it isn't. Is there a saying like you have to fallen in love with yourself before you can fall in love with someone else?

  7. You are definitely right in that love is not easy. I've never understood why people complain about being single either - I was single up until the age of 19 and had no problems. I had crushes throughout high school, but knew it was nothing more than that. They were totally just people I liked to stare at because as you say, perfect hair, perfect eyes etc. I also agree that 'love at first sight' is silly.. maybe it works for some people but I just can't get my head round it. Surely that 'love' is simply superficial? How can you look at someone for the first time and say you love them without actually getting to know the person, their values and inner world? I've also seen breakups where people have had unrealistic expectations of relationships too, thinking it should be a perfect fairytale with no problems. But that couldn't be further from the truth. There are times when you will argue and get mad at each other and it depends whether you are both able to talk about it and solve the problem together. Otherwise I've seen people just end their relationship. Great post, Elisa!

  8. "Oh and let’s not forget that ‘love at first sight’ is a stupid bullshit. Love at first hate, however, is not." I LOVE that hahaha.

    I'm pretty much on the same page as you here. I agree that having two crushes at once and seeing if that person could win one or the other is a real d*ck move. Girls (and boys) are not objects or some pieces of clothing for others to simply pick like that. That somebody you're talking about needs to sort their mentality out yo.

    And food is always #1 priority, no matter if you're single or in a relationship in my opinion. XD

    Also do please continue to write the things you didn't write on the post as a reply, I'd really love to hear more of your rant. :')

  9. I think I experienced love at first sight with Nick, but I have to admit, it’s because I believe I was blind before I actually fell in love with him. He was there, and we were very good friends, but I was so blind I didn’t even notice that he was in love with me. I didn’t even really notice his eye colour until I fell in love with him and realised they were blue and I love blue eyes?! I think that when you fall in love you see things differently. Perhaps that is where “love at first sight” came from? But still, you can be attracted to someone at first sight, but you won’t know them. You don’t know how much more you could “fall in love” with them because you don’t know them as a person yet.

    You can get feelings that you have seen the person before, or like you have met before, but I do think “love at first sight” is not a real thing. My friend and I even discussed that a mother cannot have love at first sight with her child because she first needs to learn to love the child that is growing inside her.

    I have been infatuated with people before and often, the infatuation has become so strong. I get very obsessed. But then I get so obsessed I do crazy things. And not crazy like sacrificing time for the person or trying new things for the person. But obsessed and crazy that I just ignore and don’t care about other people. Obsessed and crazy that I stalk the person. And I think many people fall into that trap and think they are in love but it’s just a one-sided obsession. I think that until someone has experienced feelings for more than one person, they don’t know how to differentiate. Only as you grow older do you realise the difference and know that the childish obsessions are not worth it.

    I, too, got hung up over boys when I was in school and stressed to the point of no return. I think it just comes with youth and that some people just want to be loved. I have always maintained – and my friends who know me well say this too – that I am the kind of person who is better in a relationship... and people can be like that for different reasons. But I wish that when I was younger I was not so obsessed with other boys.

  10. Agreed! Being in a relationship doesn't mean you'll have less problems. In reality, you'll have more. It's hard to maintain a relationship and to stay in love. Love isn't all flirty and the flutter feeling in your stomach. It's difficult and bittersweet for the most part. That's why most of my friends prefer to be single. Less drama, they say. And it's true!



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